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Doctorul american spune: "La noi în America medicina e aşa de avansată, că scoatem un rinichi de la unu', îl transplantăm la altu' şi după 6 săptămâni ăla deja îşi caută de lucru!"

Doctorul german răspunde: "E nimica toată, la noi în Germania scoatem un plămân de la unu', îl transplantăm la altu' şi după 4 săptămâni ăla deja îşi caută de lucru!"

Doctorul rus spune: "Nici asta nu-i mare scofală, la noi în Rusia scoatem jumătate de inimă de la unu', o transplantăm la altu' şi după 2 săptămâni amândoi deja îşi caută de lucru!"

Se scoală doctorul român şi răspunde: "N-avem ce să comparăm, toţi sunteţi înapoiaţi faţă de noi: la noi în România am luat unul fără creier şi fără inimă, l-am pus ministru de finanţe şi acum toţi îşi caută de lucru."

Doctorul american spune: "La noi în America medicina e aşa de avansată, că scoatem un rinichi de la unu', îl transplantăm la altu' şi după 6 săptămâni ăla deja îşi caută de lucru!"

Doctorul german răspunde: "E nimica toată, la noi în Germania scoatem un plămân de la unu', îl transplantăm la altu' şi după 4 săptămâni ăla deja îşi caută de lucru!"

Doctorul rus spune: "Nici asta nu-i mare scofală, la noi în Rusia scoatem jumătate de inimă de la unu', o transplantăm la altu' şi după 2 săptămâni amândoi deja îşi caută de lucru!"

Se scoală doctorul român şi răspunde: "N-avem ce să comparăm, toţi sunteţi înapoiaţi faţă de noi: la noi în România am luat unul fără creier şi fără inimă, l-am pus ministru de finanţe şi acum toţi îşi caută de lucru."

Doctorul american spune: "La noi in America medicina e asa de avansata, ca scoatem un rinichi de la unu', il transplantam la altu' si dupa 6 saptamani ala deja isi cauta de lucru!" Doctorul german raspunde: "E nimica toata, la noi in Germania scoatem un plaman de la unu', il transplantam la altu' si dupa 4 saptamani ala deja isi cauta de lucru!" Doctorul rus spune: "Nici asta nu-i mare scofala, la noi in Rusia scoatem 1/2 de inima de la unu', o transplantam la altu' si dupa 2 saptamani amandoi deja isi cauta de lucru!" Se scoala doctorul roman si raspunde: "N-avem ce sa comparam, toti sunteti inapoiati fata de noi: la noi in Romania am luat unul fara creier si fara inima, l-am pus ministru de finante si acum toti isi cauta de lucru."

Fiul: - Tată, ce e politica?
Tatăl: - Hai să-ţi exemplific cu familia noastră. Eu am toţi banii, aşa că eu sunt managementul. Mama ta primeşte cea mai mare parte din bani, aşa că ea este Guvernul. Apoi, îi spunem servitoarei că e clasa muncitoare, tu eşti poporul, iar fratele tău cel mic, viitorul. Înţelegi acum?
Fiul: - Tot nu înţeleg.
Tatăl: - Gândeşte-te o vreme la treaba asta, fiule.

În timpul nopţii, băiatul se trezeşte din cauză că fratele cel mic urla ca din gură de şarpe. L-a găsit cu scutecele mirosind a "plin". Atunci s-a dus la mama lui, dar ea dormea dusă. S-a dus apoi la servitoare. A bătut la uşă în zadar, pentru că ea făcea sex cu tatăl. A doua zi...

Fiul: - Tată, am înţeles cum e cu politica!
Tatăl: - Bun. Hai, explică-mi cu cuvintele tale.
Fiul: - Managementul i-o trage clasei muncitoare, în timp ce Guvernul doarme la greu. Poporul este complet ignorat, iar viitorul e plin de rahat.

Client: - I'm lookin' for a gun.
Owner: - What kind of gun are you lookin' for?
Client: - That one looks about right.
Owner: - Why do you need a 44 Magnum?
Client: - It's for shootin' at cans.
Owner: - Well, this is the perfect size for shooting at cans.
Client: - Neah, I need this one.
Owner: - OK, what kind of cans are you shooting at?
Client: - Mexi-cans... Puertori-cans... Afri-cans... Maro-cans.

Q. What famous celebrity had the most children over the last 10 years?
A. Michael Jackson.

Q. What's Bill Clinton's idea of safe sex?
A. When Hillary is out of town.

Q. What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?
A. Get out of my sun!

Q. What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Santa Claus?
A. Some people still believe in Santa Claus.

Q. How did Bill and Hillary Clinton meet?
A. They were dating the same girl in high school.

Q. What's the difference between Hillary and Bill?
A. Hillary doesn't get caught.

Q. Bill & Hillary and Al & Tipper takes a boat ride, the boat capsizes, who gets saved?
A. The United States of America!

There were these two guys in a bar, which was on the 20th floor of a building. The first man said: "I bet you $100 I can jump out that window and come straight back in!" The second man says "OK, sure." And the barman holds the bet. The first man jumps out the window and disappears for a second before jumping straight back in. Disappointed about losing the $100, the second man says: "I'll bet you another $100 you can't do it again." So the barman holds the bet. Sure enough, the first man jumps out the window, disappears for a second, then jumps straight back in.
Thinking he must have caught a freak gust of wind, the second man says: "OK, I bet you $300 I can jump out the window and come straight back in." The first man says: "OK, sure." The second man jumps out the window and falls to the footpath below. He is dead. Back up in the bar, the barman says to the first man: "Gee, you can be a bastard when you're pissed, Superman."

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, Dalai Lama and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment.

"Gentlemen," he began, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!" With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane.

Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen," he said, "I am the world's greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world's greatest athlete should have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the night.

Bill Gates rose and said, "Gentlemen, I am the world's smartest man. The world needs smart men. I think the world's smartest man should have a parachute, too." He grabbed one, and out he jumped. The Dalai Lama and the hippie looked at one another. Finally, the Dalai Lama spoke. "My son," he said, "I have lived a satisfying life and have known the bliss of True Enlightenment. You have your life ahead of you; you take a parachute, and I will go down with the plane."

The hippie smiled slowly and said, "Hey, don't worry, pop. The world's smartest man just jumped out wearing my backpack."

Bill Gates died in a car accident. He found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God...

"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows Vista. I'm going to do something I've never done before. In your case, I'm going to let you decide where you want to go!"

Bill replied, "Well, thanks, God. What's the difference between the two?"

God said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly if it will help you make a decision." "Fine, but where should I go first?"
God said, "I'm going to leave that up to you." Bill said, "OK, then, let's try Hell first." So Bill went to Hell.

It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect. Bill was very pleased. "This is great!" he told God, "If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!"
"Fine," said God and off they went.

Heaven was a high place in the clouds, with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a quick minute and rendered his decision. "Hmm, I think I prefer Hell" he told God. "Fine," retorted God, "as you desire." So Bill Gates went to Hell.

Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When God arrived in Hell, he found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amongst the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons. "How's everything going, Bill?" God asked.

Bill responded - his voice full of anguish and disappointment, "This is awful, this is not what I expected. I can't believe this happened. What happened to that other place with the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?"

God says, "That was the screen saver."